mjolkk:

oh my god i’m at the grocery store and there is a guy in the frozen section who is tweaked off his balls on some kind hallucinatory drug. 

i’m in the next isle meowing softly through the cereal boxes where he can’t see me and he is losing his shit pulling pizza boxes out of the freezers and yelling that he needs to save the popsicle cat 

am i a bad person  

bluepac:

justlikenoel:

bluepac:

what if there was no backspace key and you had to live with your mistakes forever

A typewriter, that thing you’re thinking, it’s a typewriter

I was actually thinking of a computer without a backspace key 

(Source: bangays)

targaryyenprincess:

rupsidaisy:

Maybe sunglasses emoji is actually blind

Blind to tha bullshit

(Source: rupindre)

tragedyinremission:

Do you ever just meet one person

and at first it is awkward

then you start talking

and its like

“holy shit where have you been all my life”

 

gravitysex:

You can basically win my heart by watching Disney movies with me and feeding me chocolate and taking me out to fast food places and cuddling with me and giving me kisses and feeding me more

lessons-in-morbidity:

He said 
he would never.

He did, however,

just like the others
he crawled under 
my skin and whispered
mornings into my heart

Ay, though he did not
know that this heart
is deaf and it’s skin
of leather and mountains  
cannot be penetrated 
by paper suns.

He said he would
never though he tried
however,

How miserably 
did he fail to see
that this heart is
filled with much
enmity.

circumcising:

are we gunna have sex or are you going to continue to like my posts 


agirlinasweater:

brunetteinaunionjack:

queerinius:

heavymedal:

you are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos

This is the most hopeful thing I’ve ever read.

what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos

then tomorrow is nacho lucky day

(Source: fussyneko)

30down30more:

Red lipstick makes me feel like I could cut a man’s heart out with a high heel shoe and fucking eat it.

You either know what I’m talking about or you don’t 


morsmordre-x:

{x} “This ancient and mysterious charm conjures a magical guardian, a projection of all your most positive feelings. The Patronus Charm is difficult, and many witches and wizards are unable to produce a full, corporeal Patronus, a guardian which generally takes the shape of the animal with whom they share the deepest affinity. You may suspect, but you will never truly know what form your Patronus will take until you succeed in conjuring it.”


(Source: pottergaga)