June 2013
oh my god i’m at the grocery store and there is a guy in the frozen section who is tweaked off his balls on some kind hallucinatory drug.
i’m in the next isle meowing softly through the cereal boxes where he can’t see me and he is losing his shit pulling pizza boxes out of the freezers and yelling that he needs to save the popsicle cat
am i a bad person
what if there was no backspace key and you had to live with your mistakes forever
A typewriter, that thing you’re thinking, it’s a typewriter
I was actually thinking of a computer without a backspace key
Maybe sunglasses emoji is actually blind
Blind to tha bullshit
Do you ever just meet one person
and at first it is awkward
then you start talking
and its like
“holy shit where have you been all my life”
You can basically win my heart by watching Disney movies with me and feeding me chocolate and taking me out to fast food places and cuddling with me and giving me kisses and feeding me more
He said
he would never.He did, however,
just like the others
he crawled under
my skin and whispered
mornings into my heartAy, though he did not
know that this heart
is deaf and it’s skin
of leather and mountains
cannot be penetrated
by paper suns.He said he would
never though he tried
however,How miserably
did he fail to see
that this heart is
filled with much
enmity.
are we gunna have sex or are you going to continue to like my posts
you are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos
This is the most hopeful thing I’ve ever read.
what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos
then tomorrow is nacho lucky day
Red lipstick makes me feel like I could cut a man’s heart out with a high heel shoe and fucking eat it.
You either know what I’m talking about or you don’t
Legitimately upset that there is no taco emoji
Like wtf man!? How am I supposed to express visually my love for tacos if there is no taco emoji! This is some messed up shit I tell you.
i see you driving round town with the girl i love and im like “what are you doing with my mom”
- Doctors: Anorexia is an epidemic, people need to eat.
- Doctors: Obesity is an epidemic, people eat too much.
- Society: People have unhealthy body images, accept your body the way it is!
- Society: People should be more concerend about their health, exercise & eat right!
- Media: Celebrities are way too skinny, they are setting a bad example for young girls.
- Media: This singer gained 20 pounds, she must be really unhappy.
- People: Being too skinny is gross, real women have curves.
- People: Eww, fat rolls.
- Friends: You're so pretty, you're not fat.
- Friends: Eww I'm so gross, I need to lose weight.
- Family: Don't starve yourself, eat. It's not that hard.
- Family: You ate all of this for breakfast? What is wrong with you?
- And people wonder why we have such distorted body images.
The look you give your friend when they say something and you're thinking of something perverted...
when the answers to a question on a test are in another question
Raise your hand if you read and/or write fanfic.
Fanfiction = My Life
Very, very rarely. But I do. Sometimes. Maybe.
Me at about 1 am every night:
DID YOU MEAN BEDTIME STORIES?????
you cant show me movies and television shows about ghosts and zombie apocalypses while giving me books with adventures featuring heroes fighting for the sake of the world and tales of demigods and wizards and then expect me to be content living in a world where you work at a job five days a week and come home at night to do it all over again until you die
THIS.
haha loser look at you sitting all by yourself at lunch
but mom Im homeschooled
ah yes I’ve just thought the perfect sassy answer to that horrible thing someone said to me 4 years ago
“People think of education as something they can finish.”
—Isaac Asimov (via coooode)
did it hurt when u fell from heaven bc it hurt when i did
Listen
Dammit, guys, this is why people think we’re insane.
hi hello if you’re reading this i hope something good happens to you today
*accidentally bullies you in an attempt to flirt*
white people who describe their nationality in fractions
The best asks, ever.
- 1: What eye color do you find sexiest?
- 2: White, milk, or dark chocolate mocha?
- 3: If you could get a Sharpie tattoo on your back, what would it be?
- 4: Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it?
- 5: Your favorite adult as a child? (and not your parents, if they were your favorite)
- 6: What kind of smoothie sounds really good right now?
- 7: Most embarrassing moment from your elementary school years?
- 8: Most embarrassing moment from your middle school years?
- 9: Most embarrassing moment from your high school years?
- 10: Pirates or ninjas? Why?
- 11: Have you ever climbed a tree more than twenty feet off the ground?
- 12: Did you like swinging as a child? Do you still get excited when you see a swing set?
- 13: If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get?
- 14: What's your most favorite part of your body?
- 15: What's your most favorite part of your personality?
- 16: Madonna or Lady Gaga? Neither? Both? Who cares?
- 17: Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through?
- 18: Have you ever watched any major sporting event drunk?
- 19: What's the most delicious food you've ever eaten in your life?
- 20: Margarine or butter? Which did you grow up with?
- 21: Whole, skim, 1%, or 2% milk? (Did you know they make 1 1/2% milk?)
- 22: Which continents have you been on?
- 23: Do you get motion sickness? Any horror stories?
- 24: Backpacks or satchels?
- 25: Would you wear a rainbow jacket? A neon yellow sweater? Checkered pants?
- 26: What was your favorite cartoon growing up?
- 27: If you had to have a cow or a pig, which would you take? Why?
- 28: If you had to look at one city skyline for the rest of your life, which would it be?
- 29: Longest plane ride you've ever been on?
- 30: The latest you've ever slept?
- 31: Would you buy a sweater covered in kitten pictures? Would you wear it if someone gave it you for free?
- 32: Do you pick at scabs?
- 33: Favorite kind of bean? Kidney? Black? Pinto?
- 34: How far can you throw a baseball?
- 35: If you had to move to another country, where would you move?
- 36: Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? Vietnamese? Korean? Nepalese? How was it?
- 37: Small, liberal arts school or public university? Why?
- 38: A relationship with love or one with sex?
- 39: Do you eat enough vegetables?
- 40: Do you like horror movies? How about thrillers?
- 41: Would you scratch a crotch itch in public?
- 42: Do you swear in front of your parents?
- 43: Coolest thing you've ever been for Halloween?
- 44: If you could change your natural hair color, would you? To what?
- 45: Do you want to get married? Have kids?
- 46: Do you use a reusable water bottle? If not, you should.
- 47: City or nature person?
- 48: Have you ever used something other than "makeup" as makeup? (Like paint? Markers?)
- 49: Can you walk well in high heels? Even if you're a guy?
- 50: Post 5 awesome things about yourself. BRAG AWAY!
